The age of chivalry is gone. That of sophisters, economists and calculators has succeeded.

Sunday, May 08, 2005


The only thing constant in this life is change. Go on, thrash me with a wet kipper for my twee homilies. Man, things are changing fast. It's enough to give a chap whiplash. I went to see my great aunt today and she is dying. She is literally collapsing in on herself and there's this burning, wonderful spirit at the centre of this dried up shadow puppet of a body. It breaks my heart. Friday, my cat broke her leg and had to be put down and when I visited her she looked so normal and serene and she purred fit to burst when I scratched her behind the ears. Then we closed the cage door and we signed a form and we charged her death to a credit card. She was lying on a blanket that was the cover for our back room sofa, a little piece of home for comfort as the needle bore down on her. We didn't return for the blanket.

This evening was better, I sat up with Alex watching stupid kung fu and eating chocolate biscuits. We always laugh so hard I end up crying, tears literally pouring down my face. We were doing exactly the same thing five years ago and it feels like a part of my identity, choking on my Mars Bar as another Chinese dude pinwheels through the air on wires. Later we burned ourselves a Mix CD and hit the streets, windows down, playing KUNG FU FIGHTING at full volume. Everything's changing, get a job, get a home, get a future. Define yourself by your occupation, beliefs, interests and shoe size. Conform, act out, make something new or bathe your eyeballs in unmitigated dross. It really doesn't matter with Carl Douglas blasting in your ears, fuelled by a sugar rush of nostalgia. If all goes well the essential topography of my life will have changed completely by next month. If not, I'll still be here - tapping S.O.S in Morse code on the keyboard.


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