Tap Dancing Elephants

I never intended to use this blog to describe what happened to me on a day to day basis. I wanted to use it to note down the thoughts which these events inspire. Some entries are musings, some are heightened versions of real events, and some are completely random and divorced from anything approaching reality. However, for a rather amusing and factually accurate account of my last week then I would check out the awesome literary stylings of Shoelace in Balls to Monty.

Here is what I learnt this week, in no particular order:

1. Spending time with another couple is fun and kind of reassuring.
2. Spending time with a friend of prodigious talent and sparkling wit is reviving and encouraging.
3. When staying up to 4am doing battle with evil international spies, tread carefully, you may wake the neighbours.
4. Writing a screenplay is equal parts heaven, hell and madness.
5. There are several ways to wound a man holding you in a bear-hug from behind.
6. Shoelace can cook any food in any style.
7. The pizza place is farther away than I remember.
8. Chocolate production is chiefly undertaken by small, brown beans with arms and legs who live in a magical chocolate world lorded over by a deranged parrot and sexually-aggressive bunny rabbit.
9. A good sofa, one that makes you glad to be alive when you sit on it, can transform a room from mundane living space to AWESOME ENTERTAINMENT PARADISE.

And finally ...

Gentle readers, please join me in congratulating the frighteningly intelligent and unfeasibly sexy Red as today she collected her MA in Colonial and Post-Colonial Cultures. Most people couldn't even understand the title of her course, let alone run rings around the country's educational elite in pursuit of said qualification. On top of everything, she was the highlight of the graduation ceremony, sweeping onto the stage to grand applause and performing a highly dramatic stooping bow direct to the audience before engaging Lord Attenborough in such lively conversation that the whole event ground to a halt for the duration. Inevitably, this sterling performance of academic joi de vivre provoked a ripple of good-natured laughter and a second, much deserved round of applause. As so often with Red I wanted to shake my head in embarrassment and simultaneously leap to my feet and proclaim my love. In the end I was just happy to see her honoured for all that she is and all she has achieved.

Life with Red can be mortifying, inspiring, challenging and rewarding. It is also never dull. I am so glad to have her with me.

This is her day. I hope she feels the potential that suffuses every particle of her being and looks to the future with both hope and determination. One day, very soon, she will achieve great things; there is absolutely no doubt in my mind.

My girlfriend will change the world.